Monday, August 19, 2013

The Atlanta Airport can suck it.

Day one of HotLanta HotSucked HotBigTime. Had the most excruciating flight of all time. Not only did our second leg of the flight (you cannot get direct to ATL from SAC for some godforsaken reason) place our seats right in front of not one, but TWO infant children who cried at least 8 times each, we were in front of two toddlers as well who were total assholes with iPads. Parents: If your child cannot go THREE SECONDS without access to the iPad, you're doing it wrong. The takeoffs and descents (we had 3 of each on this second leg) were extra miserable because your children where whining, kicking and sometimes even crying because the iPad had to be turned off. In between Doug and I sat an uber religious nerd (he was just getting back from a bible conference in Denver or something) who had dandruff and picked his nose. I punished him by ignoring him and turning the other way when he asked me questions or made comments, but then talked to Doug in the window seat through him.

Apparently Atlanta had "weather issues", so after circling around the airport for 30 minutes our plane was about to run out of gas, so we had to fly to Birmingham Alabama to fuel up... and wait... and walk around a terminal, smell all the Chick-Fil-A that these horrible passengers brought with them back on to the plane, and then fly BACK to Atlanta. We landed three hours past our scheduled arrival time and I was near psychosis. Not sure if it was the screaming babies, whiny toddlers, dandruff booger neighbor, anti-gay/stinky food, or just sitting on a plane for way too long, but by the time we were done we power walked the entire ATL airport (avoided the tram) for 25 minutes to try and calm down.

OK, travel rant over. I'm sure there are worse ones out there.

We're staying at the Hyatt in downtown Atlanta. I'm here for the CDC's National Conference on Health Communication, Marketing and Media so we get a discounted rate. For the first time I've actually managed to convince Doug to come with me to a conference, so it's exciting to have him here with me to explore Atlanta on the off hours. We'll see if he makes as good as a conference buddy as Virginia back in the CRIHB days :)

Of course I have a list of people to see and things to do already, but we were so wiped after the travel we just jetted somewhere close by. We scoped the windows of a few restaurants and ended up going to Sweet Georgia's Juke Joint. They were playing videos of old Motown performances (Gladys Knight and the Pips, Temptations, Diana Ross and the Supremes, Marvin Gaye), so I was jammin and Doug and I were both fascinated with all the coordinated polyester digs featured proudly in the videos. They had a jazz band come out, which consisted of the OTHER two White people in the restaurant besides Doug and me. They played a lot of Beatles and contemporary jazz. When they busted out the Marvin Gaye they actually had some patrons get up and dance, and then... they went back to the Beatles. Band didn't really know how to read the audience I guess.

Ordered a peach martini, which was way too sweet, way too syrupy, and gross. But the meal improved. Fried green tomatoes and fried Okra (we're in the South, OK?) were bomb - little goat cheese on top.

Split some fried chicken, collard greens (with turkey, not ham hock), sweet potato fries, sauteed spinach and southern mac and cheese.

Something about a mound of fried food helps wipe away the sting of a shitty plane ride. Also helps wipe away half your face and fingers, since you're so greasy and oily after each bite.

So what was the worst plane ride you've ever had? Is your addiction to your iPad worse or better than your toddler's? Do you make your greens with ham hock or a turkey leg? Ever been to the CDC Health Communication, Media and Marketing conference? What's your favorite thing to do in Atlanta?


  1. Not to rub salt in the wound, but the BEST flight I ever had was to Atlanta. Got bumped up to first class. "More of anything?" "More of everything!" (Seinfeld episode -- I was Jerry, you were Elaine). I was with my parents and for some reason people recommended we go to Underground Atlanta. We could not have been more out of place. Not because we were the only white people but because we were not there to go clubbing in an underground shopping mall. On a different trip there, I recall sitting in a hotel bar watching the Kings vs Spurs game, totally dismayed that my hotel room in ATLANTA did not get TNT (what's up with that Ted Turner?), being annoyed by a drunk Irishman all evening, and having to stay up way too late to see the ending in overtime (what's up with that, Eastern time zone?). So, as you may have guessed by now, I have no recommendations for you except enjoy the conference, enjoy your time with Doug, and have a diet coke for me. Cheers!

    1. I was Elaine. I have always related to her - but I was hoping to maybe throw somebody's toupee out a window, or tell my friend's dad I could "drop him like a sack of potatoes" and then rush him like a football player. NOT by being given the worst flight in my life. Ugh. Glad it's over.

      I have had a diet coke. There is nothing but coke here. It is Tanya's Utopia.


      Lakers Rule!!!!

  2. I think you should know that I am personally offended when you don't comment on my comments. Maybe you think it's like sending a thank you card for a thank you gift but its not. Really, it's just common courtesy.

  3. Lakers do NOT rule. I am tempted to point out that Kings, by definition, rule; however, I know they are terrible.