Friday, July 19, 2013

How do you know when you've entered Hoopeston?

When you're surrounded by hundreds of miles of corn and soy fields, it's not uncommon to ask yourself "where the fuck am I?"

Luckily, Hoopeston Cares About You.

So they go to great lengths to clearly identify when you've arrived via the South end of town.

They also like to point out when you've departed...

As well as what to think about. Seems a little bossy. (Now I know where my Grandma gets it from.)

I know what you're thinking. "Shit, what if I enter from the North?!"

No worries dude. Remember: Hoopeston Cares About You. The North has gotcha covered.

By the way, that thing is named Jerky. Hoopeston is the home of the corn jerkers, not to be confused with the corn huskers. The corn jerkers where the ones who would "jerk" the corn off the stalk during harvest season. Corn huskers were the ones who removed the husks. Seeing as how corn husking has now been relegated the ladies at the retirement center, and is thus a pretty weak job, corn jerking is a much tougher, vastly superior, yet often overlooked component of corn harvesting. Suck it, Nebraska!

Ok, back to Jerky. I mean... He's a little frightening. That maniacal smile is haunting.

I'm worried Doug will be having nightmares.

Meanwhile, I'll be having nightmares over this garage sale. Ronald looks like he's about to assault someone (and couldn't be happier). Like, what kind if person buys and old decrepit clown? (A corn husker, if you ask me!)

Well, we did end up leaving Hoopeston for awhile to head thirty minutes over to the big city, aka Danville. We needed to scan a hundred year old family photo book (no joke), but more importantly, to patronize the Custard Cup.

This is a fond childhood memory for many family members, and a very confusing memory for me. Is it really custard?

After the Custard Cup a nice midwestern stranger called her husband to find a photo scanning center for us. (She was wearing yellow jean shorts with bees on them. I loved them and trusted her instantly.)

We had time to kill while the photos developed at the quaint little farm town photoshop (Office Max), so we drove around and discovered this lily pad place.
Photos in hand and the humidity in our face we headed back to Hoopeston. (see above for how I knew we were back).

Spent an awesome evening with my great Grandma as we went through all the pictures and identified names, places, people, dates. Heading home with a picture of my great great great grandmother is a cool feeling  :-)

We asked my great aunt and uncle for a recommendation on where to get some great Hoopeston country food. They agreed unanimously: the bowling alley.

Check out the wall of fame. These people will kick your ass!

The bowling alley is surrounded by corn, obviously. My uncle farms the patch on the right of the alley.

We got my great aunts farmhouse to ourselves tonite. Took the golf cart out for a sunset ride.

Wondering what corn looks like at dusk? Search no further:

The root on this varietal was pretty weird.

So, anyone eat (or jerk) any corn lately? What about frozen custard? Also, no hard feelings Nebraska.


  1. So what did you have for dinner at the bowling alley? xox Mom

    1. Hi mom, we split a hamburger with onion rings. Had leftover corn, too.

    2. Also mom don't leave a comment as "anonymous", it's creepy.

  2. I think that Jerky was inspired by Moe. Maybe the Hoopestonians believe that Moe would be crazy-happy if only he were jerking corn instead of hanging out with his Stooge brothers.

    I am pleased that you have added to the Becky-standing-by-a-billboard photo series.

    When you return, I expect you to make some corn ice cream or frozen custard (perhaps with a touch of cinnamon).

    And, I also want to know what you ate at the bowling alley and, if you lived in Hoopeston how many places would be on you spreadsheet.

    1. This is really funny. First, dad, are you reading? Everyone agrees that cinnamon sucks in ice cream.

      Two, Tanya, asking me to chose restaurants is like asking me to chose amongst my own children. Easy because there are none. So the spreadsheet would include the bowling alley no doubt, the gas station, and Monicals pizza.

      Classic billboard shots. Why mess with a good thing?

  3. Sounds like you're having a great time. So awesome you got to see the lake! Thanks for your nice entry about my Mom.

    1. Thank you Anonymous Commenter! The lake was pretty neat, as was Grandma Mel :) Who is this?