Monday, September 17, 2012


I'm about to go to Europe for 3 weeks. Today I went to work, packed my suitcase, and ate a special American dinner.

WORK was filled with last-minute scrambles to get stuff done before a 3 week hiatus and too many  meetings. The best part was hearing everybody's stories about money belts. I personally think they are lame ass shit. Some kind and concerned folks recommended them and told me horror stories they had heard (none that anyone had actually witnessed or experienced) about folks getting beat up and thrown over bridges for their purses, needing reconstructive surgery for months afterwards to repair damages from punches in the face, etc. If only they had wore a money belt! [Seriously Asbury?] The MB Advocates also failed to answer me when I asked how you got your money out when you were wearing a dress. Hmm. Others assured me that money belts were indeed a relic of the past that we're all ready to put to bed - like fanny packs, snap bracelets and VHS tapes.

Conclusion: Money belts are for old ladies in the nursing home... or total assholes, like these chicks. I'll take my chances with my cute new cross-body purse.

These chicks look like total assholes!

Cute! And, not a stupid money belt.

PACKING was hard. Kiersten let me borrow this crazy backpack thing, and I was determined to carry on all my luggage. It literally took hours. I finally decided to base it around the shoes (go figure), so I compartmentalized everything by whether it would go with a) very walkable shoes (re: tennis and mary janes) b) kind of walkable shoes (cute flats) c) slightly unsensible and not so walkable but incredible bitchin shoes (my coral flats, red pumps, etc.).

Too many clothes and 7 pairs of shoes. Probably not.
Three categories of shoes. Better.
Blues did not make the final cut :(

I almost sat down and created an excel spreadsheet to get the most efficient outfit cross-referenced with the different shoe categories they would compliment, until Doug told me to stop being so dramatic and it was 10pm already blah blah blah. Anyway, I did it with minimal cheating - just 1 jacket had to be jammed in to Doug's check-in luggage.

I did it!
DINNER was awesome. Many know that I only allow myself to eat fast food 4 times per year, and my last dinner in America for 3 weeks seemed like a good time. I've already used up two of the four allowances (a vegetarian burrito in February from Taco Bell and some french fries from In and Out in April) so the budget is looking good. This was a more difficult decision than packing. I finally narrowed the choices down to KFC, Taco Bell and In and Out. Decided on KFC since I had not been there since I lived in Lompoc (so over a decade). We pulled in to the drive thru and I immediately panicked - this was the wrong choice! I could get excellent fried chicken at a thousand other places! I would waste an allowance on this hellhole of a restaurant. I immediately told Doug to bail, which he did with zero complaints (Doug gets me). Completely overwhelmed by the thought of having to chose between InO and TB was too much. I told Doug to drive me to one of them and relive me of this burden of having to make a choice.

Conclusion: Taco Bell was delicious. We ordered all the favorites and took a few bites from each one. We also tried the Doritos Taco, and it was as stupid as it sounds. A taco wrapped in a giant crumbly Doritos chip. I was surprised I even agreed to order it, seeing as how there is absolutely nothing worse in this world than that sight, sound, or smell of somebody eating Doritos (see Maddox on Doritos).  Doug also treated himself to a non-diet soda. Quickly after eating all that crap though I felt guilty and prepared a giant bag of fruits and vegetables for the plane ride tomorrow. I feel bad for whoever sits next to me (re: Doug) because I'll be eating steamed Brussel sprouts and broccoli among other less-stinky but obnoxiously healthy items on the plane.


  1. New social marketing campaign: Wearing that MB makes you look like an MF. I miss you.